1. Do not feed daughter peanut butter and jelly in the backseat of the car as she enjoys nothing more than opening the sandwich and smearing jelly all over herself and anything within her reach.
2. Do not turn back on daughter while she is operating the salad spinner, unless you'd like to rewash the lettuce after it spins itself all over the kitchen. (Note to guests: maybe pass on the salad at our house, who knows where the lettuce has been.)
3. Do not expect daughter to enjoy a rare morning shopping trip to Target as much as you or somehow expect her to behave because you actually have a Friday off and some time to browse. Instead, expect that she will spend the entire time screaming to get out of the cart and flinging things you give her to stay quiet out into the aisles.
4. Do not expect daughter to go to heated, indoor swimming pool and actually want to stay in the water. Instead, expect that she will find trying to run around outside the pool with mom chasing her and life guard scolding mother much more amusing.
5. Do not expect that on a dreary, rainy Saturday the family can go leisurely browse at our favorite local bookstore. Instead, plan on mom and dad taking turns frantically looking at covers while the other parent chases daughter around the second story while she squeals in glee at the top of her lungs. (Note to other customers who thought they'd have a relaxing moment in the bookstore: sorry.)
6. Do not expect daughter upon arriving at park (where parents detour after bookstore in order for her to get some wiggles out) to want to even so much as walk to the slides or run around. Instead, she will want to swing--in this case, perfectly content to be confined.